I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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