I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
