I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
