He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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