I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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