I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
