you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
