And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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