There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
