playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
