she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
