we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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