Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
