I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
