Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
