She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
