Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i have two assholes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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