Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
People in love make me want to vomit
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
