There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
