is your mom at the bar?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
