So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
