I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
