Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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