someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
