Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
