Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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