Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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