If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
