Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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