You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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