Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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