I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
