it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
