Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
