Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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