my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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