Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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