Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
