How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
