Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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