haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
