If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
