Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
