I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
