I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
