he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
