Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
