Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
