You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
