During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
