dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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